Death Did Us Part
A short story by Cheyenne Berandi, as published in The Last Word: Next
It was my photo, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t the one that stayed pressed tightly between the pages of the diary I had kept that year. The one that I took out to look at so often the edges had worn thin. But still, it was the same picture. His eyes shone bright with life, and his smile lit up his face. I could still vividly remember taking the photo - the way I had teased him and snatched the camera from his hands, dangling it out of his reach, taunting that if he wouldn’t let me take his photo I wouldn’t give it back until our trip was over. He had laughed and tried to appease me, but he hadn’t taken it seriously - this image, my favourite, must’ve been one of at least twenty I had taken. I’d managed to luck out and capture a genuine moment of happiness as he and I danced around the park.
It was later that night that he had asked me to marry him. He hadn’t planned to, so he had no ring, but I didn’t care. Something I had said, stupid and inconsequential all these years later, had made him decide he wanted me to be his wife. He didn’t hesitate in asking, and I never hesitated to say yes. Yes, this image was the same, but it was a new print. It was surreal to see it without the creases from |
being folded over and over, or the small smudges from where my fingers had rubbed so frequently against the ink. In this copy his face was smooth still where mine hid his youth behind aged ink.
A knock at the door broke me from my thoughts. When I peered through the peephole in the hotel door I saw my mum beaming. I could hear her through the heavy wood, but not distinctly enough to discern her words. As I opened the door her off-key rendition of Going to the Chapel of Love filled my ears and made me smile. She gripped my wrists, forcing me to spin with her while she laughed through the last lines of the chorus, before coming to a dramatic stop in the middle of the room. I fell into her arms, giggling like a child as she rocked me in a joyful hug.
We almost fell to the floor when my best friend and Maid of Honour, Melanie, crashed into us shouting “Group hug!”
The three of us erupted into giggles as we broke apart. We settled down at the four-seater table, preparing to order room service. Mum’s laughter stopped as she noticed the photo of Leigh on the table. Her face slackened as she reached out, gingerly touching the edges of the print. I held my breath, unsure how she would react. Would she be sad to think of him? Disappointed in me for dwelling on the past on what should be such a happy day?
“He had such a great smile,” she said wistfully. Her eyes were brimmed with tears I knew she wouldn’t shed. I breathed out heavily. She looked up at me. “He only ever shared it with you though.”
I smiled softly, unable to form words for a response.
“Did you want to have him close today?” Mel asked, her eyes showing no disapproval.
“It was here when I woke up,” I managed, unable to explain myself any further.
Mum picked it up, something I hadn’t dared to do yet, and turned it over. The reverse side of the glossy print showed soft, scrawling hand writing. Without reading it, Mum passed it to me.
A knock at the door broke me from my thoughts. When I peered through the peephole in the hotel door I saw my mum beaming. I could hear her through the heavy wood, but not distinctly enough to discern her words. As I opened the door her off-key rendition of Going to the Chapel of Love filled my ears and made me smile. She gripped my wrists, forcing me to spin with her while she laughed through the last lines of the chorus, before coming to a dramatic stop in the middle of the room. I fell into her arms, giggling like a child as she rocked me in a joyful hug.
We almost fell to the floor when my best friend and Maid of Honour, Melanie, crashed into us shouting “Group hug!”
The three of us erupted into giggles as we broke apart. We settled down at the four-seater table, preparing to order room service. Mum’s laughter stopped as she noticed the photo of Leigh on the table. Her face slackened as she reached out, gingerly touching the edges of the print. I held my breath, unsure how she would react. Would she be sad to think of him? Disappointed in me for dwelling on the past on what should be such a happy day?
“He had such a great smile,” she said wistfully. Her eyes were brimmed with tears I knew she wouldn’t shed. I breathed out heavily. She looked up at me. “He only ever shared it with you though.”
I smiled softly, unable to form words for a response.
“Did you want to have him close today?” Mel asked, her eyes showing no disapproval.
“It was here when I woke up,” I managed, unable to explain myself any further.
Mum picked it up, something I hadn’t dared to do yet, and turned it over. The reverse side of the glossy print showed soft, scrawling hand writing. Without reading it, Mum passed it to me.
Addie,
I thought you might need to know that your guardian angel is watching over you today - just like always. I’ve left you a gift by that tree you loved in the ceremony garden - take the photo with you when you go. I hope you like what you find.
Love always,
Justin
I thought you might need to know that your guardian angel is watching over you today - just like always. I’ve left you a gift by that tree you loved in the ceremony garden - take the photo with you when you go. I hope you like what you find.
Love always,
Justin
I wasn’t surprised that Justin had sent a gift to my room - I had done the same thing for him. I’d sent him a pocket watch - something he had wanted for a while - with a note about counting down the moments until he would be my husband. So far, his gift had blown mine away.
Mum, who had shifted to read the note over my shoulder, placed her hand on mine.
“Do you want to go down now?” she asked softly, passing me the photo as she did.
I looked into Leigh’s deep brown eyes, swallowed harshly, and nodded.
Mum, who had shifted to read the note over my shoulder, placed her hand on mine.
“Do you want to go down now?” she asked softly, passing me the photo as she did.
I looked into Leigh’s deep brown eyes, swallowed harshly, and nodded.
<><><>
The garden had been decorated beautifully with string lights and natural wood furnishings, ready for today's nuptials. I didn’t want to make the comparison between my wedding today, and the one I’d had twelve years earlier, but I couldn’t help my mind from noticing the differences.
Where Justin and I had booked a garden venue in a fancy hotel, Leigh and I had settled for a small gathering in my parents’ backyard. My mum had decorated with paper lanterns and sheets she had draped in a way that had only been moderately tacky. We hadn’t cared. The guest list had been elite, only allowing those who approved of our young marriage to attend. At 20 years old, it hadn’t been many. Now, Justin and I had invited almost everyone we knew, and spared no expense for our venue and decor. It was going to be no small affair.
Shaking off the bittersweet memories of my last wedding, I took the time to look around the garden. In lieu of chairs, we had long bench seats made of a natural red wood, with flowering vines twined around the backs. The ground was a carpet of dewy green grass which dampened my slippers and was the reason I had chosen to wear flats as my wedding shoes. At the end of the isle a brilliant arch of flowering vines created a picture-perfect altar. I felt overwhelmed by the beauty of it all, suddenly unsure if I had actually woken up, or if I was still living in a dream.
But no; dreaming never felt this strong.
To the side of the garden, which was relatively flat and clear, was a mid-sized Australian Willow Tree. It was well maintained, with delicately draped branches, trimmed to a height that made it easy to walk beneath them.
This tree was the reason I had wanted to get married here. It had seemed like something from a fairy tale, even without being made up elaborately. Today it was truly magical. Each branch glowed with the soft white fairy lights that had been carefully twined through the limbs, extending seamlessly down the trunk. This was where I found the rest of my gift from Justin.
A small, natural wood board carved with cursive lettering hung above a simple but touching display. Small pegs held photos to the string of the lights, scattering images across the face of the tree trunk. Some of the people I recognised; my grandparents and my uncle, but others were strangers to me. In the centre of the gathered images was an empty space, marked only by a photo-less peg on the string above it. This was where I was supposed to put Leigh. I looked to the sign, reading the delicate words through misty eyes.
Where Justin and I had booked a garden venue in a fancy hotel, Leigh and I had settled for a small gathering in my parents’ backyard. My mum had decorated with paper lanterns and sheets she had draped in a way that had only been moderately tacky. We hadn’t cared. The guest list had been elite, only allowing those who approved of our young marriage to attend. At 20 years old, it hadn’t been many. Now, Justin and I had invited almost everyone we knew, and spared no expense for our venue and decor. It was going to be no small affair.
Shaking off the bittersweet memories of my last wedding, I took the time to look around the garden. In lieu of chairs, we had long bench seats made of a natural red wood, with flowering vines twined around the backs. The ground was a carpet of dewy green grass which dampened my slippers and was the reason I had chosen to wear flats as my wedding shoes. At the end of the isle a brilliant arch of flowering vines created a picture-perfect altar. I felt overwhelmed by the beauty of it all, suddenly unsure if I had actually woken up, or if I was still living in a dream.
But no; dreaming never felt this strong.
To the side of the garden, which was relatively flat and clear, was a mid-sized Australian Willow Tree. It was well maintained, with delicately draped branches, trimmed to a height that made it easy to walk beneath them.
This tree was the reason I had wanted to get married here. It had seemed like something from a fairy tale, even without being made up elaborately. Today it was truly magical. Each branch glowed with the soft white fairy lights that had been carefully twined through the limbs, extending seamlessly down the trunk. This was where I found the rest of my gift from Justin.
A small, natural wood board carved with cursive lettering hung above a simple but touching display. Small pegs held photos to the string of the lights, scattering images across the face of the tree trunk. Some of the people I recognised; my grandparents and my uncle, but others were strangers to me. In the centre of the gathered images was an empty space, marked only by a photo-less peg on the string above it. This was where I was supposed to put Leigh. I looked to the sign, reading the delicate words through misty eyes.
Those we love don’t go away,
they walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard, but always near.
Still loved, still missed, and very dear.
they walk beside us every day.
Unseen, unheard, but always near.
Still loved, still missed, and very dear.
I suddenly felt like I couldn’t breathe. I could feel the way Mum and Mel were looking at me - expectantly and with a lot of pity. I wanted to say something, but I couldn't make myself. It was as though there was something caught in my throat and I couldn’t push sound past it. My hands trembled where I held the photograph of Leigh.
It hurt, hanging his photo among the other dead we cared for, but I had been grieving for eleven years, and knew this was an important step in that process. My hands shook as I pegged the photo in the empty space, but once it was there it seemed to belong.
It was larger than the other photos on the tree, something I’m sure was no accident on Justin’s behalf. He wanted to reassure me that grieving my late husband was something he understood and would help me through. I loved him for that. He felt no jealousy at my lingering emotions, only sympathy for my loss. He loved me enough to accept that I would always love another.
I wiped at my tears as Mum and Mel once again embraced me, before leading me away from the garden and back to my room to prepare for the ceremony.
It hurt, hanging his photo among the other dead we cared for, but I had been grieving for eleven years, and knew this was an important step in that process. My hands shook as I pegged the photo in the empty space, but once it was there it seemed to belong.
It was larger than the other photos on the tree, something I’m sure was no accident on Justin’s behalf. He wanted to reassure me that grieving my late husband was something he understood and would help me through. I loved him for that. He felt no jealousy at my lingering emotions, only sympathy for my loss. He loved me enough to accept that I would always love another.
I wiped at my tears as Mum and Mel once again embraced me, before leading me away from the garden and back to my room to prepare for the ceremony.
<><><>
I hadn’t struggled to smile as the photographer took pictures of us getting ready. Mel and I had erupted into laughter as she tightened the corset back of my dress - the air being forced from my lungs had only had me more hysterical. The more somber pictures were the harder ones to get, where the photographer wanted us to look serious instead of jovial. Now, as I stood in the room adjacent to the garden area, preparing to walk out and down the aisle, I couldn’t have laughed if I tried. My stomach swam with nerves, and I could feel beads of sweat on my palms beneath my bouquet. I had known this would be hard when Justin had broached the subject of marriage, but I loved him too much to deny him. After Leigh, I had sworn I would never get married again - that I would hold onto his last name as my own forever. It was the only piece of him I got to keep. But life keeps going, promises get broken, and people fall in love.
That was the thing that had surprised me more than anything else.
When I had met Justin, I hadn’t thought for a moment that we would ever end up where we did. He had been a friend and a confidant, but realising I loved him had taken a long time, and admitting the feeling – first to myself, and later to him – had been one of the more difficult things I had ever had to do. He had been patient and kind through it all, which had only made me love him more.
The opening lines of I Choose You, by Sara Bareilles, snapped me out of my thoughts, signaling the start of the processional. I waited, watching the wedding party file out when their times came, until I was left in the room alone.
My dad had understood when I said I didn’t want him to give me away this time around. He had already done that with Leigh, and it felt wrong to negate that. Even though I would be walking the aisle alone, it would be Leigh giving me away this time. That thought brought a sad smile to my face, but I refused to cry before making it to the end of the aisle. When the line that signaled the start of my walk came, I stepped up to the doors and out into the sunny garden. The moment I did, all sad thoughts washed away. All I could see was Justin, waiting with loving eyes at the end of the walk, and I had to remind myself to take slow, deliberate steps, instead of rushing to him. When I finally reached the end, I passed my bouquet to Mel and instead took Justin’s hands. They were warm as he squeezed mine ever so slightly, conveying all the things he couldn’t say. Looking at Justin, I almost forgot to listen to the celebrant as he welcomed everyone, but I tuned in somewhere near the middle.
“...all here for the same reason. To celebrate the love of Justin and Adeline. It’s a love they’ve shared with each and every one of us here today, and I’m sure we’re all very excited to be here to witness as they bind themselves not only through that love, but through the promise to stand by one another for the rest of their lives.”
His words hit me hard and I closed my eyes against the memories.
“‘Till death do you part…”
That line had always haunted me.
Justin squeezed my hand, drawing my eyes back to his. His smile conveyed all the love and understanding he felt. I again had to force myself not to cry. My love for Justin and grief for Leigh constantly fought a battle, but today was one of the hardest I had faced. I glanced across at the tree where Leigh’s photo hung, pulling strength from the happiness on his face.
“...this marriage will be more than signatures at the bottom of a legal contract. It will be the unending support and love these two give to each other, and the promise to never give up on one another.”
As the celebrant continued with his speech and built momentum, I couldn’t help but think of how lucky I had been in my life, to have found not one, but two people I would truly love for the rest of my life. Losing Leigh had hurt - it still did - but no amount of hurt could ever lead me to regret the love we had shared. And Justin… his love surprised me every day. Where I would feel turmoil over my unfaithfulness, he would remind me that to love and be loved was something no one should be denied.
“The vows spoken here today are more than just an item on a checklist, that once completed brings you one step closer to legally being husband and wife. They are the promises you make to each other - the words that will shape your future together and keep you walking your paths side by side.” The celebrant paused and turned his attention to the audience. “Justin and Adeline have made the choice to write their own vows, so I now turn the floor over to them so that they may share with us the true meaning of why we are gathered here today. Justin,” he prompted as he stepped away.
I could see the nerves showing on Justin’s face, and feel the slightest tremor in his hands as I held them. This I understood. No matter the circumstances, public speaking was always nerve wrecking for the both of us.
“Adeline-” he faltered, taking an extra second to compose himself. “Addie. The day we met changed my life, even if it took me some time to realise it. Without trying, you made me fall in love with you, and I haven’t managed to find my feet since.”
I couldn’t help but laugh softly at that, and as I did I could see the anxiety over speaking in front of everyone fall away from him.
“You are the person who most deeply frustrates me, and most easily pushes my buttons, but you’re also the one whose smile can change the course of my day, and who knows exactly what to do or say to calm me down. I promise, with everything I have, to love you through all those frustrating times, and cherish you for every moment of the life we will share together. You have always been easy to love - even before you knew you could love me in return…”
My breath caught as Justin looked over towards the tree where Leigh’s photo hung. I bit my lip to stop it from trembling as I listened to the words that followed.
“Leigh Jacobs was more than your high school sweetheart. He was the man who taught you what it means to love, and I know losing him hurt you deeply. I know you think you have to move on from him to embrace the life we’ll build together, but maybe the most important promise I can make to you is this: I promise to never try to replace Leigh in your heart. I promise to build and nurture a space of my own and be there for you through any grief you feel. I promise to give you space when it’s needed, and to watch you grow and thrive. I promise to love you, not in-spite of your past, but because of it.
“No matter what life throws at us, I promise to stand beside you and hold your hand through it all. I promise to strive every day to be the man you believe I can be. More than anything else, I promise to love you, wholeheartedly, for the rest of my life, and longer.”
His words had left me in silent tears, my heart waring between my grief and the all-encompassing love Justin had just given to me.
“Oh, and I promise to learn to use the washing machine!” he added hastily.
I couldn’t help it - I laughed loudly, ruining the atmosphere the rest of his vows had created. It was the best reminder of the main reason why I loved him - no matter the rollercoaster of emotions I experienced at any given time, he had never failed to make me laugh.
I glanced over the tree and saw Leigh’s face, and this time it wasn’t hard to believe he would be happy for me.
That was the thing that had surprised me more than anything else.
When I had met Justin, I hadn’t thought for a moment that we would ever end up where we did. He had been a friend and a confidant, but realising I loved him had taken a long time, and admitting the feeling – first to myself, and later to him – had been one of the more difficult things I had ever had to do. He had been patient and kind through it all, which had only made me love him more.
The opening lines of I Choose You, by Sara Bareilles, snapped me out of my thoughts, signaling the start of the processional. I waited, watching the wedding party file out when their times came, until I was left in the room alone.
My dad had understood when I said I didn’t want him to give me away this time around. He had already done that with Leigh, and it felt wrong to negate that. Even though I would be walking the aisle alone, it would be Leigh giving me away this time. That thought brought a sad smile to my face, but I refused to cry before making it to the end of the aisle. When the line that signaled the start of my walk came, I stepped up to the doors and out into the sunny garden. The moment I did, all sad thoughts washed away. All I could see was Justin, waiting with loving eyes at the end of the walk, and I had to remind myself to take slow, deliberate steps, instead of rushing to him. When I finally reached the end, I passed my bouquet to Mel and instead took Justin’s hands. They were warm as he squeezed mine ever so slightly, conveying all the things he couldn’t say. Looking at Justin, I almost forgot to listen to the celebrant as he welcomed everyone, but I tuned in somewhere near the middle.
“...all here for the same reason. To celebrate the love of Justin and Adeline. It’s a love they’ve shared with each and every one of us here today, and I’m sure we’re all very excited to be here to witness as they bind themselves not only through that love, but through the promise to stand by one another for the rest of their lives.”
His words hit me hard and I closed my eyes against the memories.
“‘Till death do you part…”
That line had always haunted me.
Justin squeezed my hand, drawing my eyes back to his. His smile conveyed all the love and understanding he felt. I again had to force myself not to cry. My love for Justin and grief for Leigh constantly fought a battle, but today was one of the hardest I had faced. I glanced across at the tree where Leigh’s photo hung, pulling strength from the happiness on his face.
“...this marriage will be more than signatures at the bottom of a legal contract. It will be the unending support and love these two give to each other, and the promise to never give up on one another.”
As the celebrant continued with his speech and built momentum, I couldn’t help but think of how lucky I had been in my life, to have found not one, but two people I would truly love for the rest of my life. Losing Leigh had hurt - it still did - but no amount of hurt could ever lead me to regret the love we had shared. And Justin… his love surprised me every day. Where I would feel turmoil over my unfaithfulness, he would remind me that to love and be loved was something no one should be denied.
“The vows spoken here today are more than just an item on a checklist, that once completed brings you one step closer to legally being husband and wife. They are the promises you make to each other - the words that will shape your future together and keep you walking your paths side by side.” The celebrant paused and turned his attention to the audience. “Justin and Adeline have made the choice to write their own vows, so I now turn the floor over to them so that they may share with us the true meaning of why we are gathered here today. Justin,” he prompted as he stepped away.
I could see the nerves showing on Justin’s face, and feel the slightest tremor in his hands as I held them. This I understood. No matter the circumstances, public speaking was always nerve wrecking for the both of us.
“Adeline-” he faltered, taking an extra second to compose himself. “Addie. The day we met changed my life, even if it took me some time to realise it. Without trying, you made me fall in love with you, and I haven’t managed to find my feet since.”
I couldn’t help but laugh softly at that, and as I did I could see the anxiety over speaking in front of everyone fall away from him.
“You are the person who most deeply frustrates me, and most easily pushes my buttons, but you’re also the one whose smile can change the course of my day, and who knows exactly what to do or say to calm me down. I promise, with everything I have, to love you through all those frustrating times, and cherish you for every moment of the life we will share together. You have always been easy to love - even before you knew you could love me in return…”
My breath caught as Justin looked over towards the tree where Leigh’s photo hung. I bit my lip to stop it from trembling as I listened to the words that followed.
“Leigh Jacobs was more than your high school sweetheart. He was the man who taught you what it means to love, and I know losing him hurt you deeply. I know you think you have to move on from him to embrace the life we’ll build together, but maybe the most important promise I can make to you is this: I promise to never try to replace Leigh in your heart. I promise to build and nurture a space of my own and be there for you through any grief you feel. I promise to give you space when it’s needed, and to watch you grow and thrive. I promise to love you, not in-spite of your past, but because of it.
“No matter what life throws at us, I promise to stand beside you and hold your hand through it all. I promise to strive every day to be the man you believe I can be. More than anything else, I promise to love you, wholeheartedly, for the rest of my life, and longer.”
His words had left me in silent tears, my heart waring between my grief and the all-encompassing love Justin had just given to me.
“Oh, and I promise to learn to use the washing machine!” he added hastily.
I couldn’t help it - I laughed loudly, ruining the atmosphere the rest of his vows had created. It was the best reminder of the main reason why I loved him - no matter the rollercoaster of emotions I experienced at any given time, he had never failed to make me laugh.
I glanced over the tree and saw Leigh’s face, and this time it wasn’t hard to believe he would be happy for me.
<><><>
I looked down to where the heavy gold band with accentuating diamonds sat on my finger. It was worlds away from the simple, thin golden one that normally hung on a chain around my neck, but I supposed that was to be expected. Like people, no two relationships were alike. Leigh and Justin were as different as two people could be, and yet I loved them both unconditionally. I still felt guilty over loving Leigh, but Justin had eased the hurt so many times today. As always, he soothed me and reminded me how easy it was to be in love.
Changing my name had been the hardest choice to make. I had wanted so badly to cling to the name Leigh gave me, but I knew it was one thing that I needed to let go. Still, it was hard to give it up.
The reception was held in one of the hotels large function rooms, with a bar at one end and a dance floor at the other. Justin and I had barely had a moment apart, but when his friends had dragged him to the dance floor, I instead stumbled across the floor, sans shoes, towards the bar.
Maria Jacobs was a small woman who always styled her curly hair in a way that gave her an extra inch of height. When she stepped up beside me I wasn’t entirely surprised - I had invited her after all - but I was caught off guard.
“Adeline,” she said, her voice clear despite the mist of tears clouding her eyes. “You look absolutely stunning, my dear.”
“Th-thank you.” The guilt was rising up again. Mrs Jacobs and I were close, but not as much as we had once been. I truly believed she was all that got me through losing Leigh - having someone that shared my pain - but I sometimes felt like I was doing the wrong thing by moving on with my life. She never seemed to be doing the same. Yet, the way she looked at me was filled with only love and acceptance. “I’m so glad you could come today,” I said sincerely.
“Me too, dear.” She placed a delicate hand on my upper arm. “Leigh would be so proud of you - you chose well.” She looked over to where Justin and his friends threw their arms in the air to Y.M.C.A. and smiled. “If someone had asked me what would bring my tears today, I never would’ve guessed it would be his vows. He’s special. Hold on to that.”
My throat had closed over again. When I went too long without responding, Mrs Jacobs squeezed my arm and kept speaking.
“Moving on isn’t easy - maybe that’s not the right phrase anyway. You don’t really get past something like that - losing someone you love.” Her tears were starting to affect her voice. “But you do learn not to let the hurt of the past hold you back. The time you’ve got, you cherish it. You look back fondly on the memories, but you don’t stop making new ones. Leigh wouldn’t have wanted you to be sad forever, neither would anyone else. I can see that you’re beating yourself up every time you feel happy - I do the same thing-” She paused, collecting herself before pushing through. “We both deserve to feel love and happiness. I suppose I just wanted to tell you that you helped me feel that today. Knowing you wanted to share today with me, it made me feel truly loved.” She stepped forward and pulled me into a hug with more fierceness than I would’ve imagined she could possess. “No matter what happens, you’ll always be my daughter-in-law. That’s something that will never change.”
She stepped back, holding me at arm’s length, and though I still couldn’t form words for a response, I knew she could see the happiness she had brought back to me.
Changing my name had been the hardest choice to make. I had wanted so badly to cling to the name Leigh gave me, but I knew it was one thing that I needed to let go. Still, it was hard to give it up.
The reception was held in one of the hotels large function rooms, with a bar at one end and a dance floor at the other. Justin and I had barely had a moment apart, but when his friends had dragged him to the dance floor, I instead stumbled across the floor, sans shoes, towards the bar.
Maria Jacobs was a small woman who always styled her curly hair in a way that gave her an extra inch of height. When she stepped up beside me I wasn’t entirely surprised - I had invited her after all - but I was caught off guard.
“Adeline,” she said, her voice clear despite the mist of tears clouding her eyes. “You look absolutely stunning, my dear.”
“Th-thank you.” The guilt was rising up again. Mrs Jacobs and I were close, but not as much as we had once been. I truly believed she was all that got me through losing Leigh - having someone that shared my pain - but I sometimes felt like I was doing the wrong thing by moving on with my life. She never seemed to be doing the same. Yet, the way she looked at me was filled with only love and acceptance. “I’m so glad you could come today,” I said sincerely.
“Me too, dear.” She placed a delicate hand on my upper arm. “Leigh would be so proud of you - you chose well.” She looked over to where Justin and his friends threw their arms in the air to Y.M.C.A. and smiled. “If someone had asked me what would bring my tears today, I never would’ve guessed it would be his vows. He’s special. Hold on to that.”
My throat had closed over again. When I went too long without responding, Mrs Jacobs squeezed my arm and kept speaking.
“Moving on isn’t easy - maybe that’s not the right phrase anyway. You don’t really get past something like that - losing someone you love.” Her tears were starting to affect her voice. “But you do learn not to let the hurt of the past hold you back. The time you’ve got, you cherish it. You look back fondly on the memories, but you don’t stop making new ones. Leigh wouldn’t have wanted you to be sad forever, neither would anyone else. I can see that you’re beating yourself up every time you feel happy - I do the same thing-” She paused, collecting herself before pushing through. “We both deserve to feel love and happiness. I suppose I just wanted to tell you that you helped me feel that today. Knowing you wanted to share today with me, it made me feel truly loved.” She stepped forward and pulled me into a hug with more fierceness than I would’ve imagined she could possess. “No matter what happens, you’ll always be my daughter-in-law. That’s something that will never change.”
She stepped back, holding me at arm’s length, and though I still couldn’t form words for a response, I knew she could see the happiness she had brought back to me.